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Your Mustard
Roy Hammond, USA, wrote:
There is a dead horse joke going around ....
entitled ... Beating a dead horse. From the American Indian
Group (the Dakotas), there is a tribal wisdom that when you
discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is
to dimount. However, in business we often try other strategies
with dead horses, including the following:
1. Buying a stronger whip
2. changing riders
3. say things like, "This is the way we have always ridden
this horse"
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse
5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead
horses
6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses
7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horses
8. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability
9. Comparing the state of dead horses in todays environment
10. Change the requirements declaring that "This horse is
not dead"
11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse
12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased
speed
13. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat"
14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance
15. Do a cost analysis study to see if contractors can ride
it cheaper
16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster
17. Declare the horse is "better, faster and cheaper" dead
18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses
19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses
20. Say that horse was procured with cost as an independent
variable.
I sat and thought about this for a while ... and having lived
in Deutschland for 10 years, I thought of my top 12 "Deutsch"
style dead horse strategies ...
1. Send the dead horse off for "Kur" (German practice of throwing
mud at sick people - The Editor) for six weeks and see if
he improves
2. Appoint the dead horse to the Bundestag, as a member of
the bio-degradable wing of the Greens
3. Assign the dead horse as a refugee ... giving him a free
car, free apartment, and all the hay he can eat.
4. Put the dead horse on short work hours ... no more than
35 hours per week and see if he improves
5. Give the dead horse a Sunday night political talk show
6. Send the dead horse to a job retraining class and see if
he can be productive
7. Retire the dead horse, and pay him 1200 EU per month as
a retiree
8. Establish a tax credit for being a dead horse, but require
ober 200 documents to prove that you are actually dead ...
with no less than 12 rubber stamps required to actually be
buried.
9. Send the dead horse over to France to confer with French
dead horses ... to see if there is a common ground for them
10. Start a reality show with the dead horse, and see if the
horse can make it to the final round
11. Put the dead horse on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and
see how long it takes for him to answer the first question
12. Put the dead horse on Wetten Das (An intellectual German
evening talk show - The Editor) and have him do stupid pet
tricks
close horseshit and return
to other mustard
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