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Old Stuff
This will help you get organized! On this page, you will
find Herr Kunz and Herr Kallenbrecher's FAVORITE HELPFUL LIST
OF THE WEEK - from the best beers to the greatest heroes,
from the most tasteful recipes to the most important words
in German.
These days, the whole world is visiting Germany, because football
is coming home. Many hope for the best experience of their
lifetime, but are not well organized enough to enjoy their
visit. This is where Herr Kunz and Herr Kallenbrechers Top
8 Football Championship Survival Tips come in. This
authoritative list will help you get the most out of the Meisterschaft!
Okay, we wanted to do 10, but got only to 8. You have an
additional tip? Send us an email to Weltmeister@german-jokes.com!
Like always, the best suggestions receive an original Kunz
and Kallenbrecher Pig Head Poster.
 1.
Have fun!
Underdressed is not In Ordnung. For maximum fun and street
safety, wear the colours of your favorite national football
team (black and white). An optional Rudi Völler wig or
Gareth Southgate Devotional T-Shirt are sure to earn you extra
sympathy points.
2.
Have fun!
Do not let your experience be spoiled by simple
misunderstandings. At stadium security checkpoints, casually
drop remarks such as "Isn’t it surprising that
I am not an English Football Hooligan at all, considering
that I have an ugly red head and carry a badly manufactured
baseball bat?"
3.
Have fun!
American and British visitors are advised that Euros have
replaced all former German currencies, including the Mark,
the Pfarthling, the Pfuhlsbüttel and the Grundstück,
and are much more valuable than the dollaror the pound. Leave
them in a safe place throughout the games (http://www.switzerland.com).
4.
Have fun!
You will find that your friendly German hosts want
to strike up a conversation with you. This may get surprisingly
personal and revolve around your mental well-being ("Sie
Idiot!") or your anatomical features ("Sie Arschloch!").
No reason to be shy! Make sure you reply in kind, using the
respectful "Sie" rather than the more familiar "Du".
5.
Have fun!
You may think it is easy to host a football world championship
with military precision, but this can only work when everybody
studies the 58 pages "Platzordnung" brochure.
Visitors who fail to pass the stadium entry exam, which can
be taken at doors 2-4, 6-9 _ and 24, with results published
at doors 1-3, 10 and UntG-3, are requested to proceed through
doors 5, 11-23 and ObG-4 and take the elevator to Ab-H-88,
for an alternative showing of a match of "Völkerball".
6.
Have fun!
Have no worries: During your visit, most Germans will be
happy to point out what you are doing wrong. They also understand
that, because of poor educational systems in your home countries,
you may not understand German unless it is spoken very loud.
So it is advisable to memorize key German phrases such as
"Fankurve" (section with armchairs), "Die Papiere
bitte" (Do you want to swap your clothes for my uniform?)
or "Kraftfahrzeugsicherstellungsabschleppvereinbarung"(Marshall
Plan). See these pages
for more.
7.
Have fun!
You are in Germany, but you only go to the games? Well, red
card for you! You are missing out on many other German attractions,
most of which are located in Baden-Württhemberg ("The
Party Land"). Try a day at the Stuttgart Airport Car
Hire Viewing Platform! Attend the Open Air Dubbed Movie-Thon
in Erbslangen-Schweinsterfelde! Visit the Longest Egg Noodle
Exhibition in Binzen-Tannhausen-Rümmingenfeld ("Eurodisney")!
Many have gone there and never returned home.
8.
Have fun!
Chanting the wrong kinds of football hymns can spoil the
games for yourself and everybody else. Make sure you wear
the applicable permit, and stick to one of the two licensed,
meticulously funny song texts. The first goes "Ole Ole
Ole Ole", which is very funny, because it sounds a bit
like Spanish. The second involves a description of how players
from a small Land close to the Alps experience trouble with
their leather pants. While in Munich, have this explained
to you by a local.
Click here to take a
look our other favorite lists ... such as Kunz
and Kallenbrecher's Top 10 German mood swings !
Click love to take a
look our other favorite lists ... such as
Kunz and Kallenbrecher's Top 10 Pickup lines !
Click here to take
a look our other favorite lists ... such as
Kunz and Kallenbrecher's Top 5 German recipes !
Click here to take
a look our other favorite lists ... such as
Kunz and Kallenbrecher's Top 10 Things You Want to Find Under
a German Christmas Tree
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